Hello. Hello. Hello, welcome to the Ageing Millennial. This is your host a more and I'm going to dive in straight into the episode. So I'll be focusing today on therapy. And therapy is an interesting topic, because there is stigma attached to it. There is a lot of conversation around mental well-being or the last couple of years. And the fact that I've gone through it as well may really help others relate to my experience. Perhaps and also, who are considering therapy May finally go for it. So
You doing simple words? I was probably not aware of it much whilst I was growing up. However, the only sources of knowledge of therapy for me when I was young, a teenager was seeing it in TV shows, seeing it in movies, the perception that you have to be really messed up mentally. Or be going through some really hard personal issues. Only then, would you need therapy? There was a lot of and I come from an Asian or Pakistani background Pakistani culture and
There's a lot of stigma - of therapy, even in 2021, but I remember in those times when I was a teenager or young adult. They would be a lot of chat around, you know, we people don't need therapy and your man. So you definitely don't need therapy. If something happened to you, you'd probably get over it, you know, over over time. So don't spend your time or money. Going to someone else who you don't even know. I'm Your issues. And there is no help in the end. Or does not result in the end. So it was a bit of a as I never had a very positive perception about therapy, right from being a child to young adult.
However, I think, as I reached my late 20s.
I started noticing some traits in me, for example, you know, being defensive when I was attacked or being defensive Union general about My Views about my perceptions. Perhaps being, you know, a bit. What's the right word a bit set in my ways. So not willing, not really letting not changing for anyone else. If I'm in a relationship or not really listening to the other person, being happy with my perception, about how things should be, how things are being judgmental.
You know, I've moved around my whole life from country to country. So not really having a sense of home or identity where I belong to who I am as such some dinner things arising from my childhood like bullying. I'm I wish I'd go in life. I'm from a step from us to from a from a career perspective. And it was charged impact. My relationships around me started impacting, you know, what am I doing in life. So starting back to me mentally as well. So I thought, you know, I need to start. Obviously these did these kinds of behavioral traits. And the way I'm feeling must come from somewhere. They just don't come overnight. So it must have been created over long way of diamond. I've only become aware of them. So I've felt I needed to take control of my life.
I wanted to better myself wanting to improve Myself by answering, you know, by identifying where these traits come from. So I want to maybe a perhaps a new perspective on life. I wanted to become a new person. I wanted to, you know, get a new life and I thought therapy might be the way. So, how I started was I was living in London at that time a couple of years ago and I went on Google as most of us would do and went to a website. I to certify therapists and there, I found a therapist and American lady who lived ten minutes away from me. And I thought, you know, convenient from a location perspective and her rates seem good as well. So I read some obviously, I chose her after reading some reviews, but also see she had an introductory.
Offer, I think, was half price for a session.
So that's a really good pulling mechanism to bring people in. I felt and I, you know, it's quite a fair rate as well. So I went for the first session, the the, in the first couple of sessions were introductory. I told her about my culture about my issues. She helped me to open up. I honestly, because she was from a different background from a Religion perspective from a cultural perspective. I had to give an insight into how things work in my family, the family set up, how we been brought up the do's and don'ts of our culture and religion.
And so forth. So I spent, I think I signed up for a good six sessions.
Well, primarily the reason was because it was your, I was, it was economies of scale. So I was saving more money than booking each session individually. So that's a tip for you guys or you folks, is that don't book, all the sessions in one, go because you might not find it. You might not get on with a therapist after the second session and you in. Circumstances would not get a refund.
I asked her for advice on a couple of issues, but she said you know, I she's not entitled to give advice.
It's for me to discover myself, which you know, me going to a therapist at the first time in my life. I found a bit.
I found a bit.
Use this because I went to a therapist expecting, you know, her or him to change me completely, but that didn't happen.
However, however, I would say, the, my first success of going to a therapist was that I spoke about a lot of issues for the first time in my life issues. I probably never thought were issues and issues I buried for Sixteen years. So I would think that was a turning point in my, in my life where I finally had, you know, to speak about these, these couple of these things.
So I stopped at therapy because I just didn't think it was changing me or anything but vulnerability. And talking about these issues was a score nonetheless.
But even geared up, I'd went for couples therapy with with my ex. We went for a couple of sessions. I thought it was more of a. It wasn't really helping from that perspective to stop that, but still went for it nonetheless. And then I gave a therapy for a while went through some personal stuff. Give a therapy for a while. And then I started reading these wellbeing books. There is a great author. I think Louise hay, I read her book and well being and I read some other articles on what to expect from therapy as well. And I think them the main thing I got from these books or these articles online is that you need exercise patience when going to therapy. And also, it's it's about your own effort.
And if and your own work, so if you're not willing to change or you're not willing to put in the effort, then you know, nothing will happen. No one can change you magically. No one really knows. Knows you even the therapist fine. You tell them your issues but they haven't grown up with you. They don't live with you 24/7. They do not really know, know you and honestly, you need to take responsibility for your own well-being. So I this time I'm, I made a conscious effort to go to a therapist who's from a similar cultural and religious background. So I found someone and that really helped.
From the perspective of that, I do not have to spend my culture to a new to her. I do not have explained my, you know, the taboos within our society, the do's and don'ts of religion. So it's a really smooth. It was a really smooth transition to the new therapist. Obviously. I told her about my issues, but this time I went across, you know, 15 to 20 sessions a mix of face-to-face and virtual obviously due to covid. And I did not force myself in changing. So she helped, you know me do some exercises as well.
So we did a couple of exercises for example, you know, connecting with your inner child. I never really knew about your inner child. I just thought that, you know, I mean naively enough. I thought you just keep growing up and, you know, child teenager adult. That's it.
But she gave me insight into, you know, your inner child is and I might have a different episode in this but I just don't have the expertise on therapy and I'm sure they're not giving anyone therapy for over this podcast. But we, you know, we she made me talk to my inner child through different two, different scenarios, and it was a really helpful. It was a really helpful exercise and then I went to research on the inner child after the therapy session, you know, did some Sizes and it really helps to put things into perspective and also brings up issues or situations, which you have completely completely forgotten about. So that really helped.
She advised me, you know, to she helped me identify my values and my goals in life. So I had an idea of them, but just putting them giving them a structure following them.
And I think what really helped is.
What I found really helpful was just the encouragement. She gave me from session to session because she had seen me whenever I used to go back to her with an update on a particular issue on my life.
She would always commend me about, you know, you've done really well.
So that was a kind of an indirect encouragement in that way. But, you know, I think it's also about feeling comfortable with your therapist as well. And definitely I definitely felt that with her.
So, I'm really happy that A tie stuck.
Buy this and honestly stuck by the therapy is what I mean. And it's really helped me. I didn't have that initially. I was expecting a lot like new life, new person in a completely different transformation. But honestly, she should I give a dime went to the new therapist and also starting by and realized that it's all about my own effort. She won't help me change but a therapist. Perhaps I see. It is as a person you can speak to and bounce off new ideas from about. You know how I can make some changes in my life about new perspectives on certain issues? Which you mean out for have thought about or seen?
And and here, you know, so I mean, I think just summing up therapy in my own experience and hopefully many of you can relate to it. Who have gone through therapy. Is that, you know, vulnerability, I think is a huge Pro. Like I've never, I never spoke about my issues to anyone, as I said alluded before. Alluded to before and it really helped me open up and that's all she helping open up to others as well, regardless of whether the judge or not.
I think in a relationship, you really need to open up to the other person. It doesn't mean you need to tell them every single issue in your life. But just talking about things being open about certain issues, just really help. It helps you, it helped me deal with some old issues, which are I never thought about before, so really helps you make peace with things which you may have been suppressing, subconsciously.
So that really helped, as I said a different perspective and thirdly in a therapist.
Yeah, therapist environment. There's no judgment either. So they're not judging you and you just feel more at ease and you feel more you can feel you can talk with more issues guns. And this is a you know, disadvantages of therapy is that you really have to put you on effort in. Don't expect them to change you. If you don't put any effort in from your side, you will not expect. Don't expect anything to happen in your life. It's To be patient with your therapy therapist. They don't know you and you don't know them. So you need to really give out as much as you can. And this happens over a certain number of sessions. It doesn't happen in two or three sessions to be very patient with the process. Also be patient with
The changes in your life, you are not going to expect to be transformed tomorrow night. It can take a couple of months to years. It's an ongoing process.
So do not force yourself that.
Oh, shit. I haven't changed or haven't transformed. Be patient with the process. And then lastly, it's a very costly investment as well. It's not cheap. I remember in London. It was about 60 to 70 pounds of session and that was literally, 50 minutes and the therapist looked at the clock, and it stopped right at the dot on the dot. So it is costly. It takes it takes money. But if you have the resources, then you should definitely see therapy for thinking about it. Honestly. There's nothing to lose, right.
Apart from, apart, from money and your time, perhaps.
But otherwise, it's, you might gain something from it.
And if not you, it's not going to make you a worse person or you're not going to lose it lose out from it. So if you have the resources, she's definitely try it out. And I do know, there are other there, lot of therapy, a lot of free therapy.
Sorry, lot of institute's, which offer three free therapy depending on how See the situation is bad for you. It obviously how bad the situation is very subjective, but do try it out.
Do you do Google searches speak to people? And if you can't afford therapy, you know, they're always forms mental well-being forms online as well where you can remain anonymous, talk about your issues and get perspective.
From other people as well, they might RP therapists. But you know, you might get a different perspective. So there's no harm done. So I definitely think that the stigma with therapy will fade with time. I'm a big supporter of therapy. I think everyone should go forward and do it. You do not need to be going through huge issues in your life. You do not need to be need to be going through some mental trauma. He can go to therapy a how speaking to the person. A person who doesn't judge you a person is unbiased, so I would definitely support it. And if a person is going to therapy, please do not judge them. They've tried. Everyone's tried to make themselves better.
For themselves and for others. And the, all they need is the support and love that you can give them.
So, I hope you enjoyed this episode. It'd be really interesting to hear your views on. What do you think of therapy? If you've attended therapy what you thought about it? Can you relate to my experiences? If you haven't been to therapy, you are you thinking of going? Is there any way I can help you? That makes you want to go.
And if you don't want to go what you know, or you never think you do, you think you'll never go.
What's your reason for that. And next week's episode. I'll focus on some well-being tips on how I'm on. What I do to maintain my well-being.
And perhaps you can take those tips, very easy things but that, that is for next week. So I have a good day. I hope you take care of yourself and remember to subscribe to my podcast. Now it's available on Google podcast as well and Spotify and Deezer and you can access these different platforms via bus Sprout and do subscribe to my Instagram page as well, Instagram handle which, you know, which Is the Aging Millennial underscore, so, talk to you guys later, and thank you so much for listening. As always. Thank you.