Ways to Become Happier And Positive

Baby Boomers/Millennials/Gen Z/Gen X/etc, do you feel - happy? excited? frustrated? anxious? sick of life? stuck in a rut? sad? depressed? Regardless of the answer, this episode is for YOU. I talk about wellbeing, how my understanding of the concept has evolved, debunking myths that need to feel happy 24/7, your inner voice, tips to achieving genuine wellbeing and happiness (stemming from my personal experience) and how to get back up after a relapse. 

Let's make it a two-way conversation - I'd be interested to hear your views on wellbeing, what rituals do you practice to maintain it and how successful have you been?

Remember to subscribe, rate & review and share. The podcast is available on all major podcast platforms such as Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify Podcasts, Amazon Music, Deezer and much more..

Transcript

Hello, good morning. Good afternoon, and good evening, depending on where you are in the world. Welcome to the Aging, Daniel podcast with me, Amar. So I will dive straight into today's topic. There's a lot to talk about. 

So just carrying on from last week's conversation on therapy this week, as I promised will be focusing on well-being. So the structure of the podcast or this episode will be, what does well being mean to me? Perhaps you can relate to that as well. And be really interesting to hear your thoughts. Why is it necessary? What do I do to maintain my well-being? And perhaps you can take some tips as well. And recommend some 

Things. 

Which, I mean, which I might be missing out on. Has it changed me for the better in terms of what I've been doing or the last couple of years. What do I do? When I Enter a pitfall of some sort or think my well beings all over the place. How can you start if you never really thought about maintaining well-being and some nice corny nuggets in the end, which I'm sure will give you a chuckle or two. 

So what is what being mean to me? So I am over the last couple of years as a teenager, as a young adult. And even in my mid-20s. 

I my idea of well-being was limited to health. So I thought, you know, being healthy being eating well, working out going to the gym, being active, playing a sport meant that you are maintaining well-being. Now, perhaps I can relate to many of you but it was I don't even blame myself for not knowing what well-being in that. You know, my understanding well-being. In my younger years just because they'd violent was such. There wasn't talked about well-being and hence the understanding wasn't there then over the years. I realized that well-being also encompasses being happy and being positive. 

However, I discovered the real meaning of well-being. When I started attending therapy, when I started proactively, reading some well-being books, when it started being talked about in the organization's, I've worked in and it became an issue that was being talked about on social media as well. So now my my idea or my my, how do I put it? My understanding of well-being is very different now, so I would say it's more of a 360 degree. 

Meet a three six. I see. Well being as a three sixty degree circle whereby there is health whereby concerns health, there's mental. Well being there's work being there is how you doing your personal life. Your thoughts? Are you thinking, right? Are you happy with your circumstances? How do you feel about yourself? So that comes into self esteem or self compassion. And there's so many different words out there. So for me, well, being is pretty much encompasses every aspect of your life. And that's how we understand. Well being and be interesting to see to hear about Jill, where is listening. What do you what does wellbeing mean to you? So why is it necessary? I mean. 

I've been told in numerous presentations in Reading, numerous books, watching some YouTube videos here and there listening to podcast as well. Well-being is necessary because it helps you to address stress your anxiety it which has an impact on the performance or the functioning of your body organs. So for example, you know, blood pressure can be caused by high stress. I think Alistair, all is well. I'm not a doctor here, but You know, everything's linked in one way, the other you get headaches if you're if you're not meeting you well-being or if you're stressed about something. 

This also kind of everything. Then trickles has a knock-on effect in your other parts of your life as well. So, for example, you won't be able to work efficiently. You won't be eating impact, your relationships as well with your family, with your friends. If you're in a relationship with someone, the impact that, I'm sure that it also blocks and blocks out or Impacts your you're thinking. So you might not be able to think. Clearly. I'm sure I've had experience of that so I can definitely lead to some of these points. The fact that you can't think clearly or you know, you always stressed or anxious can also have an impact on identify your goals in life and achieving them as well. 

And then it all kind of joins together and impacts your state of Happiness as well. So it's definitely necessary to understand what well-being is and if it interests you. Pursuing it to maintain your well-being and making it better. So what do I do? And hopefully, a lot of you might be able to relate to some of the some of the well-being habits or rituals? I do, I don't say I do all them together. But these are some things you know, which I'm aware about which I have exercised myself, which I do, you know, I try to do from time to time. So you're just reading books and and speaking to my therapist and watching YouTube videos as I alluded to before. 

I started doing meditation. I started meditating. So meditation at first was very limited to me in the gym Studio, you know, when they hold group classes and you have a group meditation or yoga session and then I think in the, in the end of the yoga session, to do a bit of meditation as well, so, that was so, my understanding of my, my meditation technique was literally limited to those three four minutes after the, after yoga, However, I started doing meditation myself. 

So, instead of going to some group classes. 

I started digging myself. What I would do is, I would turn on the YouTube video and it would be a guided meditation. It would tell you what to breathe when to close your eyes, what to think about what not to think about? 

And it would be a good five to tell me the session. I would try. I try to do that every morning and really helped with meditate with guided meditation. What I can say is that there are also instances where they ask you to visualize your your full day, and you know how you would go about it. And honestly, trust me. It does really make a difference. You'd probably think I'm I'm on drugs or something or been paid by. You know, a meditation, coach or meditation. Copy. But honestly, it does make a difference of this see doesn't happen overnight. I mean, you don't do meditation the for first day or the second day and start feeling better immediately. It takes time, but you know, justification another great thing, I. 

Started at this was honestly to my therapy is identifying the inner critic or the inner voice in my head and I speak to or have spoken to a lot of my friends and family. We're now that I'm aware of the inner voice. I tell them and speak to them about their Inner Voice or in a voice in general and a lot of them do come out surprised that oh, I never thought of it that way. I just thought that this is me and this is you know, what? What I am and I need to do whatever my inner way says, however, in when you go to therapy, and you learn about the butter in a voice and how it manipulates you, how it doesn't allow you to get out of your comfort zone. 

And then you start, you know, being more aware about it. 

And honestly, the inner voice is is the most in my view or in my purse experience is probably the most destructive thing. 

That can literally destroy your life and being aware of being aware of it. 

And challenging it is is is is the hardest thing to do as well. 

But once you are doing that and challenging it, it really does make a huge positive impact on your well-being and I'm sure I'll probably do a different session on on the, on the, you know, my learning some therapy about the inner voice and all that because I think it is quite important to speak about these things. Especially when people just aren't aware of what it is and how is destroying their life and was become aware of it. They can see immediate changes. 

Another thing I do is journaling. So journaling. I never really believed in. I used to do when I was a child. 

Actually. I remember when I was in kg or Nursery, the us we used to, we were asked by teachers to journal. I think, once a week, I can remember I was 4 or 5 years old. 

And yes, I did know how to write at that age. But we were asked to journal that age and we would write about experiences how the day went and then it's and then we would share it with the class. And at that point, I don't think you have any personal issues. Anyway, it's me just more about, you know, I played with my toy. I went to Disneyland, etc. Etc. So it was, it was a fun thing and I think it did help in sharing your experiences and then we, and then I stopped. And then I picked up during again about four or five years ago. And it does really help putting your thoughts onto paper. And I think with journaling is in the beginning, I was very 

Particular about my spelling and grammar and how I write right in the pad or even if I'm using my laptop during a journal, my laptop. 

However, you know, I just let it go and I just wrote regardless of any typos grammars mistakes because if you start focusing on that, it doesn't really serve the purpose and then you're telling you mine to stop. You. Don't let me fix these grammar, mistakes in spelling, mistakes, and I'll continue. But if you just write free hand, Or type, it does really help. Sojourning, I think really helped putting things in perspective. Sometimes. Just right, right, right. And then you read what you wrote, maybe after day or two and then you think about, oh, yeah. 

This was, you know, I never realized this or never thought about this in this way, sojourning deserty help and try it out. It might work for you. 

I think another and other thing what I do is I'm more aware of my habits. More aware of what. I'm doing what I'm saying. So for example, if I was to have an argument with someone, I would be out. Perhaps take a break of a second or two. I'd be aware what I'm doing and what I am I might to say. And then I can easily challenged. I did not say that or say something different. So I'm definitely aware of my habits as well as so. For example, if if I know I'm going to do some thing, I know orator. It's a habit. It's or it's it's I'm in in cycle. I'd immediately go. Oh shit. You know, I'm I'm I need to be aware of. I'm doing something wrong. So need to stop. 

So, definitely that I think the biggest thing is another thing I do is order you should do, is I've stopped comparing myself to others and I see this. A lot of hair this off from others, about talk about their people's careers, and how they're gone on holiday, and you know what, and either married to great people and so forth. I mean, there's so much comparison going on in the world, have a great car that were great house, but honestly the comparison just makes you feel, you know, you aren't good enough. So the minute you stop comparing yourself and just be grateful. For the things you have does really make a huge difference. It's 

What I've learned is where you are and what you do, and whatever stage you're in is really meant for you and is the best for you. And, you know, there's better to come so deafies stop, comparing yourself to others. 

It definitely doesn't help. 

And I do think social media plays a big part in that and if someone's if you're looking at some of the stories, some profile or someone's profile and that really puts you off in it or in a jealous mood. I say, you know, meet those Profiles. 

If it's not helping you well-being, it isn't meant to be there and there's so many other things as well. 

Also over the last couple of years. I've become more spiritual as what I think religions really helped me. Especially after my divorce personally. I became closer to God and I started 

For me, obviously doesn't it to everyone but I think spirituality and the religious side of things really helped me especially with the confidence that God is always there, for me. God's whatever is happening, my life. God wants it to happen and it's probably the best for me and there's definitely something to learn from. I mean, I learned a lot from my divorce or a lot from, you know, when I changed my jobs and took a risk or or things didn't work out. Has planned. You look back and you reflect back on you like, oh, yeah, you know, it was actually a great learning experience and I've become stronger. I've learned something. It's maybe a better person. So always having that belief that God does best for for. You does really help, obviously not everyone's religious or some people are agnostic or not. Practicing. It's that's up to you, but the religious and spirituality think you've really helped me. 

Otherwise, you know, other things I think the biggest, another big thing I do is also think about situations. I can't control and control or people I can't control or control behaviors. I can control and cannot control and really thinking like that does help sir. For example, if someone's rude to you, right? You cannot control the behavior. You cannot control what they say, you can't control with it. I think and honestly there's opener, think about it as well. If you can't control it, for example, if he or she is your if you have a child and you can control their behavior in certain away and influence it. Yes, but if you can't control someone's Behavior or control, 

Or someone does want to hang out with you and you really want to hang out with them. I mean, the very basic examples, and you can't control that. And why think about it? Why waste your time with things? You just cannot control if you're concerned about someone's health. And that's really putting you down. But you can't control them getting better. Perhaps you can make circumstances better for them. Don't say stress too much about it. I know it's easier said than done hundred percent. But if you start thinking about this about in a the smallest things what I can control con control if he does help. So for example, if I'm gonna get promoted at work, I can control that right. I can do my best and try my best and work diligently. But I can control all the executives or my or the see you promoting me. So I'm I don't not necessarily think about it. Don't let it impact your well being to the distress you donated cause the anxiety of any sort. 

Another thing, someone really told me that helps was think about will it will in modern five years and honestly, this really helps our workplaces. 

So for example, if you're working and there's a project and you know, screws up, do you really think? 

You know, you've it helps just thinking will it matter in five years? 

If it doesn't, then honestly do not waste your Do not stress yourself on it. Do not compromise, sacrifice your mental well-being, for it. It does. It doesn't, it doesn't help. And lastly. 

Well, they're two more things. So another thing which holds me is being present. So I can't control, I can't change the past. 

I can't control the future. I can perhaps influence it, but I can't control it. So, the only thing you can control it in and enjoy your present. So if you go on holiday, 

And you, you come from a stressful work or you leaving, but back a stressful environment with friends or family, but your holiday, you don't think about the holiday. Enjoy, the holiday. You can enjoy the present moment. You can enjoy that moment. And whenever your mind starts wandering off to Bringing things about the past or about the future, you can say, you know, not now or stop. And then bring your mind back into the present, a breathing exercises help as well. It brings your behind back into the present. So so, you know, these these techniques, some of this can help you. And lastly. I think the most important thing for me is also dealing with emotions, as well. So for example, a lot of people talk about being positive about being happy about not focusing on the negatives. 

And if you're, you know, you're sad. 

You put a smile on your face and be happy and don't think about it. No, I 

I have, you know, I was told about dealing with emotions, such a way, but my perception on emotions and dealing with emotions completely change. So what I would do is if someone's made me angry, or if a situations angered me annoyed me, I would I would I would perhaps close my eyes and feel that emotion. I think about, you know, why might have happened feel like feel that emotion for a moment, think what more, I played, what I could be. 

Done what? 

I whether I could have done anything differently, whether that things controllable, not controllable. I feel that emotion and then let it go afterwards. 

So I'm not surprising necessarily. I'm kind of dealing with that emotion. 

Experiencing it for a while and then letting you go because then this way I feel and time will only tell. But I feel that these negative emotions don't come up later on in Life or don't really don't keep impacting your behaviors in the future. 

So these, I think these are a couple like 1112 techniques of how I maintain my well-being. It's hard. It's a long list. Do whatever works for you. But I do really hope that you've taken some good. Pointers from it. And as I said, I'll probably do another episode where I talk about the inner voice and other maybe two or three other things in this. 

In the list. I just spoke about in bit more detail because these are important and I definitely want to hear from you. What works for you. 

Now, the main question is, has it changed me for the better? In terms of these realizations about well-being, these doing these techniques and so forth. 

I would say one hundred and fifty per cent. Yes. I don't react to situations in the way I used to react so I don't get defensive. I don't start attacking people obviously robot in how physically I. I've become much more calmer. I don't take stress as much as I used to. I don't know, rethink things. And honestly, though, over-thinking not over-thinking really helps because at times you overthink situations where you're you're thinking about you think about what the other person thinks about you and you don't even have. It's true. And you can never know if it's true. So or or you're overthinking things or situations. Where all my manager didn't call me he was here? She must hate me. I'm a good I'm not a good performer. You're making things out of nothing so. 

These kind of techniques have definitely address my overthinking and I do not, I honestly my overthinking is reduced, a lot is really helped me. I can I can focus on the present more so I can enjoy my moments more. So, for example, if I'm on holiday, I enjoyed 45 months for photography. If I'm recording this podcast. I'm thinking about the podcast rather than think about anything else. It's keeps me in the moment and keeps me more focused and keeps me happy. I'm definitely. More aware of what I do. And what I say, which as a result. You may I know the less reactions and being less defensive Hurst the people around me less. So that's a really good thing. 

And yeah, just being aware of what I do, can actually help me with my, you know, with keeping integrity and sticking to my values as well. 

So that really helps and honesty over time it. 

You start attracting better things as well. So better friends, your work-life balance has out things started working out because your have a clear mind you start identify what's important to you in life. You don't let the crap take you over, you don't let use a In stress you out your move focused in life. And it really did. It really has helped me. But honestly, I mean I do have my moments as well or have had moments where I'm like, oh shit, you know, this isn't working or I feel really stressed today and I just can't handle my mind or why am I thinking about the past? Why am I letting get to me? 

And these things do happen? 

You have to accept that you're a human at the end of the day. 

You aren't a robot and you can only, you know, you can try your best to improve yourself to prove your circumstances, but you will have times where you do break down, you do feel stressed out. 

You do feel that you can't deal with your emotions. You do feel that you don't work a shit and review ended up. You do compare yourself to others and that's perfectly natural. That's perfectly fine. So, I honestly, I have to put my hands up. I have not been doing my meditation for a good couple of months or almost even a year, but I do plan to start that again, because it has really helped. It was really helping. 

I become more defensive over time. But now that I'm aware of it. I address it properly. But you know, I that is a pitfall. I do have moments where I would burst down in anger or I would say something. I regret later with my parents or someone else, but I'm aware of that and I do take responsibility where I'm in the wrong so I don't shy away from that anymore, but I think the biggest things are, I mean things which helped me come out of my Pitfall or my you know, we're just state of unhappiness, the temporary State when happy is as, but that way, is that You accept that these things do happen. You accept that you have breakdowns. 

But what you could do is you can change it now. And honestly you, if you don't take responsibility for your own well-being, no one else will. 

You need to take France with brutal responsibility for your behaviors, your actions and only you yourself can make a difference, but you can always start honesty from this minute. There isn't any perfect time to start from. Don't. There's often a waiting for tomorrow. It's only about today is only worked out or you might die tomorrow or you know you might anything can happen tomorrow. So you know why? What? Why waited to worry and start making a difference from now? What also helped me? I start a a be know to avoid pitfalls. I have these positive affirmations I read every other day. And I really hopes I can speak up more about this in the subsequent episodes. 

When I speak about the inner voice and everything, but they do really help. Also, I write or I Journal whatever I want to. 

So I don't I don't think I need to journal every day. 

I think the pressure of doing it, every day was a pressure in its own I would cause me stress so I would do it whenever I feel like it now, but I do aim to do it at least once a week at least. And honestly, there's there's there's don't lose hope so. Thing is, you might not think you're making progress, progress, doesn't happen overnight, but keep at it and you will get there and don't lose hope, you know, if you're, if you're trying to make yourself a better person for yourself, it will happen because others will start noticing it as well. Even though you don't need their, honestly. 

You don't need their affirmation or you don't need a pool from anyone else but yourself. 

You will notice changes within yourself over time. So just keep hope you might, you guys, you folks might be thinking about, you know, where I can start, or how to start. So I think a great book is by Louise, Hay. I forgot the title apologize for that. But Louise, Louise, Hay is a, was a great psychologist or social social therapist. And her book on well-being is great. It's very realistic. It does. Isn't it doesn't? It's not like oh, you know, you should, you should suppress your emotions or be happy everyday small every day. It's very realistic. And, you know, it's I think it's an enjoyable read and you can definitely learn. 

I think we're too from it. 

If you don't agree with everything, another great guys, Vex King, he has. 

I think two books, our well-being. And they're divided into thirteen and fourteen chapters each focusing on, you know, for example, not pleasing others or gratitude being think of what you have. So did, he's an author of two books. He has a podcast. He's very active on Instagram as well. So definitely follow him and read his books podcasts. Some other podcasts, which you can listen to his mindset Mentor. 

I mentioned him in my My therapy episode and wrote to self, love as well. So they're two great podcasts, which you can actually start listening to and they released him every other week. 

The thing I like what mine said Mentor is that it's very realistic is to the point. They're, they're short episodes like this one. 

And he really focuses on what you can do. So it's not some fantasy land very, very achievable things and a lot of people can't do. Those are definitely look out for these and don't be afraid to start from this as you start from one step, a lead you to the other and then you start discovering things for yourself as well. 

And you can definitely ask me as well. I mean, I have I'm not a self-help Guru anything of that sort. 

It but because I have I do think well-being is really important. I may be able to give you some tips or or so further than what I've said in these episodes. So now off to the best part of the one of the other best parts of this podcast, as I said before, is some corny sayings. 

So I don't know the exact quotes, but I'm gonna give you some 

Interesting. You know, near enough what I read initially, but there's some forty. Whereas like, you know, flowers take time to bloom. So pretty much meaning be patient. Ah. If you're if you're if you're growing and your mic and you know you're you're getting your nutrients from different places to grow. It takes time. Another corny thing was leaves fall and grow again. So even if you buy a display, it's valuable to breakdowns. If you ever breakdown, you will not stay in that breakdown forever. You need to take action new. You will grow again, but you know a few, I think honestly. 

Looking after you, well being so important. Because if you don't look after yourself, how can you look out for others, or how can you contribute to society? If you're not feeling good about yourself? If you're not looking after yourself, it just makes it really difficult to do other things. 

So that brings us end to the episode on well-being. 

I hope you enjoyed it. Please do give me feedback on what you thought of the episode. It's much longer than Usual, but I thought there's so much to talk about and you know, this is just touching the tip of well-being in the so much I can say I can share with you folks, but honestly, there's a lot that I can learn as well. 

And please do share your 

Feedback when you thought the episode, do share your thoughts and well-being, whether I, you know, I can add anything to the list of your daily rituals to maintain your well-being. I'd appreciate that. And as always, subscribe to my channel on by a bus proud. 

So, there, it's available on Spotify Deezer, Google podcast up, a podcast, Etc. So subscribe to podcasts, sign up to my Instagram Channel, and I hope you guys have a great week. Thank you very much. So much for listening. Ciao.