Becoming Authentic & Yourself

It's time I share my experience of Being Authentic & Yourself along with a new addition towards the end of the episode. It takes a lot of energy and health to be someone else or in other words, FAKE.  We have to be real as well i.e. you can't be Yourself  ALL the time - there's no point of being honest (or straightforward) if it's going to hurt the other person. A balance is always required in both your personal and professional lives. 

In this episode, I discuss:

• The buzzwords i.e. 'Being Authentic' and 'Being Yourself'
• Impact of NOT being Authentic & Yourself
• Ways you CAN be Authentic & Yourself
• Using Emotional Intelligence
• NEW PART: Amazon Reviews

You do what's comfortable for YOU and remember, "there's only one of you, everyone else is taken (Oscar Wilde)." Stay Happy and Safe!

Loving the comments and feedback so far, keep them coming in. Make sure you subscribe to 'The Ageing Millennial,' rate & review and share with your family & friends. The podcast is available on all major platforms including Apple, Google, Amazon, Deezer, TuneIn, Castbox, etc. 

Transcript

Assalam alaikum. Hello bonjour, ciao. That's all the languages. I know how to say. Hello. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to another episode of the Aging Millennial with your host, Amar Bassett. So, let's get straight into the topic. So today's topic is stop being fake. Start being yourself. So I'm sure many of you have heard. About be authentic, be yourself. 

Don't change for others. Say what you feel? Say? What you're thinking? Act as you want to do, do what you want in life. And I'm sure I definitely heard about this and I think I became more aware. The aware of this concept about being authentic and being yourself. Once I started taking therapy and then started reading help self-help books as well and a quote, which really stands out for me. On this is by is from Oscar Wilde. In which he says be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. I think it's a great way to sum up. You know, how your unique in terms of her personality in terms of your character in terms of your traits. And, you know, there's only one of you you're special and no one else can take your place. 

So see a being authentic, I think also also I think apart from me hearing about this in therapy as a marketeer. 

I know that in our in our, in the campaigns, we've done over the last couple of years. We've always talked about, you know, connecting with the consumer and telling him or her to be themselves to do what they want to feel liberated. Did to feel free to feel free. We need to social stigma and so forth. So it's very much embedded into current marketing campaigns as well. And 

A couple of reasons why we can't be ourselves. 

I mean, you know, I'll speak for my, some of my personal experiences. But before that I want to start with some general, you know, some general factors of why we can be ourselves. So firstly, I think it's about social acceptance. And, you know, in every society, Society there are certain Norms. There are certain boundaries by within which you need to function, or have a function and unfortunately people can't be themselves in that. so, for example, like if I speak from a Pakistani culture, you no respect for family and for elders is Paramount and 

Showing any kind of disrespect you know, is obviously bad in every culture, but in Pakistani culture. Even if you tend to challenge an elders, but we have thinking or viewpoint in a gentle manner, it can be construed as offensive. And obviously, and in that case, you know, be being yourself because because then you learn to shut up over time and hence, you can be authentic. You can't really voice your opinions. You gotta voice your views and so forth, but otherwise, even apart from the disrespect. 

Disrespect element to with Elders, you know, every family has rules and sometimes a child feels that he or she is different and they don't agree with it. Sometimes. 

A family pressure is a child to, you know, study something, for example, medicine law engineering, the typical, the typical Pakistani / Asian subjects, preferred by families, but now it's thankfully changing. 

And, you know, sometimes people end up doing degrees like We're degrees which they don't like. But you know, they had to make their family happy at times. You know, you're in battle with your siblings in order to be the favorite of your parents. 

So you end up doing things, which you don't really want to or saying things which you don't really want to or participating in activities, which you don't really want to and it's not really yourself but you tend to do that because you want to be liked and then just going further from that you tend to start doing that for friends as well. So for example, you know, in order to people please in order to be liked by people, you end up doing things, which make them. I'm happy and which make you like them. So we're person example of mine is you know, I have traveled or I have lived in many parts of the world and as you know positive experience you great experience in us for different episode but a negative of that is that I've never had you know the idea. 

Perhaps menu, many of you can relate to that and idea of a childhood friend or childhood friends. 

Hence for me. It's always about. 

It was always about you moving around to moving to a new place. Leaving. My old friends behind making new friends. And that was my life for every three years. At least for the first part of my 18 years of my life. 

Hence. I, you know, came into that cycle where I wasn't really, I couldn't really be myself because I was always on the lookout for, you know, making friends quickly. So kind of listening to them going on. On with their plans, making them happy, making them like me. Unfortunately, I got out of this cycle many and many years ago, but, you know, it was I just wasn't being myself. I wasn't. I was making other people. Actually, my focus was other people liking me. 

And so we got that, that kind of resulted in me, you know, the ability to say yes to everything that kind of trickled into work as well. 

So taking on assignments, or taking on projects, which I didn't like just just so, I could be like, by my manager, like be liked by my peers, get that promotion, get that pay rise and so forth. 

So they're so, they're different reasons why you can't be ourselves as well. And then obviously there's Are some other reasons as well, which, you know, are out of your control. So for example, you know, you might have had, you might have experienced abuse in the past in different in a different part, in your life, or different age range in your life. Which kind of has impacted. 

How you function as a person and and in that arena to fill that void or you know, address that insecurity. You subconsciously, you need it. You can't do things which are yourself. You. You don't know yourself either. So I guess it's easier said than done. You know all be authentic and be yourself, but it really boils down to, you know, firstly. You being aware of the impact of not being resolved and some of and aunts and some at some of the impact it has is pretty is pretty dire. 

So for example, in my experience, I remember that I after my divorce I I wasn't. 

Obviously, I wasn't myself because I was going through a hard time, but I wasn't I wasn't addressing or wasn't being honest with my friends about what I needed from them. 

Would I expect it from them? And I was you know, just being fine with the situation but over time I realized you know, I wasn't being honest with them because I needed the support. I needed them to be there for me. I needed them to new. Just going to give me a call every two or three days or whatsoever. However, frequently just to know that there for me and I think in that situation, I'm not sure how many of you gone gone through that situation, but it's a pretty delicate situation. It and you require all the support. So the fact that I wasn't honest, I kind of, I wasn't I wasn't, you know, I was 

I was kind of looking out for my friends to not burden them with my problem and that kind of backfired because that made me distance myself from them. You know, I wasn't honest with wasn't what I was expecting. So because they didn't have expectations and I didn't communicate it that cause distance between us and Scenic had a negative and a negative impact on my friendships. 

Otherwise, you know, I think you know, you going, I think a huge negative impact of you saying, yes to everything is 

You know, is kind of could have a negative impact on how your viewed by others. So if you say yes to anything for Yes, Man. It's people start walking over you and I've seen that happen to myself. I've seen that with others and it's not something, you know, which is good for your self-esteem. You obviously don't feel good about yourself. You feel that you've been taken advantage of so it's you know, it's it does have a negative impact and I think the biggest impact it has is You are not really clear on what you want in life. And what's important to you? So, you know, if I'm in that cycle where? 

I'm I don't really voice what I think or say, or don't really do what I want to do, but just go along with what others have in mind. I am not really achieving. I'm not really enjoying things. I enjoy. So in the end because everything just gets blurred over time. I don't really know what I want in life and then it comes to a point where like shit, you know, I would have I been doing all this time and Ask the moment you realize, you know, it's time to be myself is time to put myself as number one. And now I'm going to kind of share the ways. Of how I I've start being more of myself, which is the similar to it's very similar to being authentic. I guess. These are all terminologies but in the end, it's just more about how how are you honest with yourself and stay true to what you want and what you makes you happy? So. 

A good example is, is active from my early career where I joined the supply chain and I hated it. I absolutely hated it. And no offense to any listers, but I just did enjoy it. It wasn't for me. And I wanted to move on to marketing. But as I was a supply chain resource, they didn't want to let me go because they're invested all the money, my training and all that. So I fortunately worked in marketing as an assignment for about three months, which kind of gave me insight into the marketing world. And how much I enjoy it? And how much I wanted to be there? So I what I did was I made some contacts. And then once I was finishing assignment, a marketing job came up. 

For which I discussed with my, and the marketing, and the marketing Community, or the manager of that marketing job wanted me. So it's kind of a done deal. So I had to be honest with my manager and I have to be honest with my boss after a year of, I wouldn't say lying but maybe discovering what I wanted to do knowing that it was marketing. I wanted to do in the end and, you know, in the end, I burned Bridges, I left, I resign, from the previous job. Up join marketing. And in unfortunately, burned Bridges between me my previous bosses had I done that earlier. I think I've been honest with him and myself. 

I probably would have avoid that situation. So I would have maintained this relationships. I would have had that network. But hey, ho, you know, you learn over time and I was really happy that I spoke out because I think I wouldn't be where I am today. If I hadn't taken that step. 

So, you know, proud of my, I guess inner voice, the good inner voice making me be honest and and you know helping me out which which I come in for where I am today. 

But I'm just going but just, you know, for the building on that example of how to be yourself. 

I think the biggest one for me is when I work to my therapist and my therapist asked me once. 

So Mark, what are your values? 

and I, I was quite dumbstruck because no one had ever asked me that question first. And second. I never really thought about my values because for me value is always more about, you know, being honest, being kind being helpful. So I never really apart from that. I really never really thought about values. So the therapist gave me an exercise, a she gave me about, you know, 10 to 12 buckets in my life. Whereby, I had to think about values in each of them, one value to 3 at the most. So I'll give you some examples and these are very personal to me. So, but, you know, I think it's really important to be to share personal experiences, and be honest about them, because hopefully, it motivates, you. 

To see if it works for you and to, you know, do this activity for yourself because it's definitely used for me. So, the one bucket was self-care and one value identified within self-care was become become comfortable in my own skin. So the tasks which I had to do in order for me to, you know, meet that value of mine on a daily basis was by, was attend, all my therapy sessions, don't listen to an act to my inner critic. Doubt about how I can connect to my inner gut and meditate for at least 3 minutes daily, another value in that self-care bucket was, don't react to anything immediately don't gossip or talk about anyone negatively and be confident that wherever I am is for a reason. 

Ah. Another one. You know, this is this is more romantic of her divorce was in a cell down with the girl. I can see a future with so get to know someone and and activities in it's not activists, but the a at the tasks within that value or meeting their value would be, you know, get to know someone without an agenda and be open to all routes, whether that stood up whether that's through my parents reducing me to someone or that's you know me meeting someone randomly another, you know, another one. A my Daddy was a word. A word. The bucket was work and the value in that was moved back to Pakistan. 

So, the tasks within that was, you know, use LinkedIn to explore opportunities, search and apply for jobs, every month. And then maybe think about businesses, I could do as well. Another bucket was fun and Recreation and value was make 2020 about what I enjoy and tasks in. That was acting classes and auditions explore travel more and photography outing once a month, and then you do some other bucket. She gave me was parenting. So on. Obviously, I'm not a parent but it just kind of prompted me to think about what values. I would I would like when raising kids and then what I need to do to kind of meet that value. 

I think this was great. Honestly, I had never thought about values. I never actually, it took kind of took me away from a traditional thinking of what values are to something more holistic to something more broader which covered all areas of my life and I can say that during this exercise really helped me. So, firstly example, in front of you folks. I moved back to Pakistan two months ago. So you know, me reading These values almost on a daily basis. 

Reminded me of what's important to me and what I need to do and then it started getting embedded into my subconscious. So I was always aware about them and you know, honestly, I am a big believer that whatever. 

You tell yourself on a daily basis and depending on how much you wanted does really happen. So, I moved back two months ago. I definitely built a better friendships as well. So I start investing in people who matter to me. Who it was a two-way street instead of me making all the effort. And you really made me feel honest, about myself in the friendship, and made me feel made me and allowed me to be, who I am. So I definitely built better friendships and cut out people who didn't really add any value. 

To my love life or we're toxic and over time, I talk. 

So this is a really hard worker but toxicity Aye-Aye. 

Throughout of my life. So it's really helped to become more positive happier, more fulfilled, and pretty much less time for bullshit. 

Also, it helped to build intricate integrity and honesty honesty. Because I identify what's important to me and I was acting on it on a daily basis and integrity because I was holding myself accountable for a sticking to my values. And I think it To strengthen the Integrity part of me in that. So, apart from that. 

So I'd encourage you all to kind of maybe identify the values and do feel free to ask me what buckets my therapist identified for me in terms of values. And then, you know what, I did to identify the areas within those buckets. I'm, you know, feel free to reach out and be happy to help I guess another 

Another thing which could help you to be yourself and be authentic as easy as well. So you could keep a journal or middle of your notepad on your phone and think about everything you do. And if you're not happy with what you did, then you can always write that down. And then at the end of the day, read it to yourself. So for example, if I went to a restaurant and I was rude to the waiter and in afterwards, you're in that moment situation. I didn't really find out to be rude, but afterwards I went back home and I'm a crap. And I was really rude to that person. And thus want me. That's not who I am. So write that down that, you know, I went to the restaurant and I was routed a waiter. And thus on me and holes, I'm not gonna do that ever again and read that to yourselves. 

You know, every other day and over time, it should start getting laid down in your subconscious. And, you know, slowly and gradually you start doing things, which more line to who you are and not and help you not react in situations that probably brings out the worst in you. So try that out. I'm get, I'm yet to, I have tried it. I'm yet to try on a regular basis just because it gets hard noting every Sitting down, but I do see value in doing this. A hundred percent. And I think most importantly, being yourself and being authentic does not does not, does not give you a license to be rude. 

So, if I'm, you know, I hear a lot of people saying that I'm honest and I'm blond, and I'm straightforward, and I say what I think and I do what I want, and I did send that in this and that, and in the process, the end up being rude to people and hurting people. No, I, I have to be honest. I did adopt that attitude in the beginning. But then fortunately, I learned about emotional intelligence and you need to really adapt what you say and what you do to the person. So for example, if being yourself means being rude and hurting others than there is on point. So you can surf example, if you're arguing with, if you're having a discussion with someone and, you know, you voice your opinion, you voice your Viewpoint in a nice Manner and the other person is and agreeing, you don't need to be rude for them to agree with you. Just leave it at that. 

At least you've been Yourself by voicing your opinion, but you don't need to win them over or persuade them in order to kind of reinforce being yourself. So, just look out for that. I mean, it's great being yourself and, you know, being who you are and saying what you think, but please, please don't be rude in the process. Respect other people's sensitivities, not everyone. 

Is like you. 

Everyone's going through a hard time? What might be going through a hard time. Everyone takes things differently. I think this really is important at work as well. So the way some people talk at work to their colleagues or to their subordinates is disgusting, you know, everyone deserves respect. 

And you can still be yourself by being nice. 

You can still be yourself by being, you know, sensitive of others or empathetic towards others. So never let that go. So that kind of brings us that kind of brings us different things Ascend to the brings us to the end of this topic. 

However, I wanted to kind of spice starts by seeing the episodes up. 

So instead of doing this bonus episodes, I started with with, you know, with which are more lighthearted where I share reviews and share funny stories. I just thought that, you know, the last three four minutes of every episode at include, you know, some funny reviews, which I've come across on the internet and I think it kind of leaves episode on a very light-hearted note. 

So there's a reason Heinz Ketchup. 

Oh. Come on. How can you review a bowl of ketchup is unlike some production of a Shakespeare play? If you don't know what you're getting with above Heinz tomato ketchup. What planet have you been? Living all your life. Then in other a review was to read for me. Forwards straight up to read for me. I don't know why. I don't know why you'd pull something like that. But it's still it's still on. I think the sarcasm, the circumference of the sarcasm gets to me aquafresh. So my discussing breath smells less revolting. And I just love the actual protection. Nice. Nice nice. Maybe the dentist will have you back for a checkup. He calmed down me forever. 

Another one. I think this is the best honestly. Sorry. This was the second best. 

So Pokemon snap. It's a game. I think a Pokemon game and it was released 22 years after the first game in an N64. Nintendo 64. 

So I think it involves finding Pokemons or something online. 

Very similar to the Pokemon game. A goal game. 

So the review is my mom says when I caught them all, she'll tell me who my Feels that is so pretty much. 

I think there's thousands and thousands of Pokemon to to catch. So I don't know if that's what you're supposed to grade review and just finishing off with banished which is the stain remover detergent thing. 

I bought this to make my vanish as using giant stay in my life. Harsh. I sprinkle this all over her while she slept. Imagine my disappointment. When I woke in the morning leaning over me with a cricket bat didn't work obviously made the bedrooms will nice little pain to Hoover best best. I don't think I've ever left a funny review. 

I just don't find it. I just don't have the energy to post reviews. 

I should honestly because I'm asking you guys to rate and review my podcast so I should be doing the same thing, but I think that's where the laziness and the procrastination comes in. 

But anyways, thank you everyone for listening in. As always subscribe. 

The podcast is available on multiple platforms. Including Apple Spotify Deezer cast box very important to rate and review the more you rate and review. Honestly, the more this podcast will become noticed and the more listeners I'd have and the more 

I know the better. It will be for all of us, I guess. But obviously for me and make sure you share this podcast with your family and friends and most importantly, do give me feedback on what you thought. If there's any topic, you'd like to talk for like me to talk about, I'd have to consider it. But as always, thank you very much. And take care. Have a good week. 

Ciao.