Hey everyone, so one of my friends complain web not saying hello in Chinese. So here goes ni Hao? I hope that was right. So I hope all of you are well, had a good week. Mine was a goobie busy at work. But it was good, not bad. Not bad. So going straight into the topic for this week, we have audit your friendships. Now, I, I think this I don't think I know what I believe that this is important, especially just looking at how things are currently. How friendships impact people, how friendships impacted me, based on my personal experiences. I think it's a it's an important topic to talk about. So how I'll start how I'll structure this whole discussion is, you know, why? why why do we need to audit friendships, hesitancy to, you know, keeping friendships that aren't really adding value to your life, the benefits of good friendships, and then how to start identifying this toxic friends. And toxic might be a strong word, perhaps, but friends who aren't your video friends, so you know how to start identify those and how to start the whole auditing process. And then, and then how it's helped me so I'll finish on that. And then I'll finish the episode on reading some funny Amazon reviews. And this is related to a product I used to work for. So stay tuned. So there's a quote, which I like to begin with, which says I started think of friends, I could lean on for some help. But as always happened when I attempt this kind of social audit, I realised that far too many of them were abroad, dead, married to people who disapproved of me weren't really my friends now that I come to think of it. And this is interesting because I was I was I was having a discussion by parents yesterday and I was going on about you know, how it's not necessary your spouse to be friends with with your friends. And you know, you should be able to hang out with your friends but I guess my oppresses generation did more around you know, them hanging out with their friends and their spouses friends. And, you know, as a big happy family and not really having their independent friends who they hang out with. But you know, I still I do think that's, that's critical to have your own independence, but that's a different topic. So I think the reason why we keep toxic friends or friends who don't really add value to our lives, and, and honestly, please don't blame yourself. Because I've been in that situation as well, where either my friends didn't fit with my values, or they weren't reciprocating in their friendship, it was pretty one sided. So you know, a lot of us do make friends because we want a sense of belonging, you move into a new city, you move to a new school, you move to a new company, you know, you you prevent the popular people in these places just to feel accepted to be part of something to be in, in quotation marks in with society. You want to be seen with important people, you perhaps want to get exclusive access to bars to clubs. You want that Instagram life, you knows for example, if you have friends, who are travelling to places in large groups and see to be having fun, you want to be part of that only to realise later that shit they're boring people. He wants to you know, get up the Get up the ladder. So there are a lot of friends who use for networking and to, you know, to get introduced to other people they might know in the network. So, you know, we're all we're all part of this process where you know, we we do tend to be friends who are fake. We do too, we tend to have the friendships for a prolonged period of time.
And the turning point is when you realise that so and it's, it's crucial, crucial, crucial to have really good friendships in your life, true friendships, quality friendships. So I was reading a study in Sweden in the USA where they did a similar Study. And they found that people with weaker social ties, were more likely to suffer from heart disease, anxiety, and depression and eventually died earlier, which isn't really the best of things, right. So it just highlights that how important social ties are. But I like to add that the quality of the social ties is is critical is important. Because if you remember, in one of my previous episodes, you know, you need to stay true to yourself, you need to be authentic. And having having quality friendships or real friendships, really helps you achieve that, through being the best version of yourself being the authentic version of yourself. And I think in that, when you're being true to yourself in Christ increases your sense of belonging, but in True, true way. It it boosts your happiness, but in a nice, more fulfilled way. And reduces stress as well. And you know, there there's an Oprah Winfrey, a character pronounce name, I think is Oprah opera, I see opera, but correct me if I'm wrong. She said, lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but you want someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. And that is very true. I've had friends who have been there in in, you know what, I've been going on trips, or when I'm getting married. And I'll give some examples in a few minutes. But when when I needed them, mostly they weren't there. Firstly, because there was a communication issue. But secondly, I expect them to be there and there weren't. So I spoke to lots of people I know lots of people have experienced this, whereby, you know, your friends haven't been there in difficult times, or in challenging times. And you know, those aren't the people you need in your life. And you really need to be honest with yourself, you need to be confident and you need to, I think it takes guts, as well to identify people who should remain your life and people who you should cut off or you don't need. So I think it takes a lot of guts. It does take a lot of guts and it's not easy. I'm sure it's it sounds easier. You know, then then it sounds Sorry, it's easier said than done. That's correct phrase. But I assure you that once you start the process, it just becomes easier. So how to start seeing through toxic friendships. So honestly, it took me a good 15 years to start identifying people or friends in my life, who weren't really adding to value to my life. So you know, I used to get criticised from people by working in a particular industry, but not dining in posh restaurants. So I'm the type of person who would literally, if there's a restaurant with really good food, and the ambience is crap, and the service is crap, I still go there for the food. So I used to criticise when I dining luxury or posh restaurant, not living in a certain area of the city. So I was living in central London, and people would be like, Oh, you know, it's it's really far where you live. And they're gonna judge you indirectly. I didn't have a car, not because I couldn't afford it, but just I didn't want when especially when you're living in Central, if you're living in London, you just don't need a car. So I used to use public transport. And I was really happy with that. I have friends who, you know, if I challenged their plans, you know, social plans, I wanted to do something else, I'll get criticised for that. And that had to go with what they say. So obviously it was a weakness in me for not stepping up for myself or not standing up for myself. But you know, there were and these are my very close friends. And then you get all these other people you know, for not respecting your time, so they're constantly late. They don't apologise for that they think it's acceptable. The conversation is always about them. So if you tend to if you're meeting a friend, and you hang up for hours, hours and hours, only later to realise that Oh,
we've only spoken about you and you haven't really asked me how I'm feeling what's happening in my life you're not really interested in my views. And when you do ask me what your views are you interrupt me after five seconds and start with your own bloody thing again. So you know I've had a lot of that as well I'm sure you have had it as well. And then you know, they ask you for advice. And this is the best thing. So they ask you for advice and they don't take it or they completely go against it which is fine. You know you're independent to do what you want but if you're going to ask me advice every single time and every single time you're going to go against it are you gonna do something differently? Then why'd you ask me for advice? Or don't or you know when I'm giving you advice don't say oh yeah I'm gonna I think your advice is great and that's what I'm gonna do but you end up doing something else you can respectfully say you know, I hear your point and thanks for advising me I just don't agree with that I think that probably be more respectable and you know they're they're people who you you know, you're it's one sided so you're the one making the calls You're the one making the social plans You're the one sending the text message and it's just one way and that increases obviously in society and you have an expectation of the other person but if it's one sided then it's really not worth it you know, it's it's just it's not it's interesting because I've had you know, I've had certain situations I for example, when I was getting married in Pakistan a couple of years ago, some of my friends flow from from abroad and only some of them most of them are great they're there they're few I you know, so I organise their stays in guest houses I organised a car or two cars with them to make sure that you know, they had transport in the city they went around they were showing the touristic faces the attended events in time. And some of them had the audacity to say that, you know, whatever rooms Amar booked us in, were shit, you know, they were for, I wouldn't want to use the word here. I don't like the word servant. But that's the word they used. Or some of them used that, you know, there were certain rooms or you know, that a marshal appreciated that we flew out for his wedding. And, you know, there's no need to give him a gift or anything of that sort.
And, you know, this is an a more organising, you know, the, the guest house and a car for is the least he could do because we've had dinner his wedding. I mean, honestly, if you have it, it didn't strike me then. But if you if it really made me realise that if these are my close friends, or friends I depend on for advice for, you know, for support, and who I expect to defend me and in discussions. If someone's saying something bad about me. I just wouldn't expect him to do any of this. I lost faith in those friendships. Honestly, I, I began to see how either I was being used. Like, honestly, there were some people who would ring me up. I hadn't spoken in years, and we ring me up and say, Oh, I'm sorry, can you can your dad organise some visas for us? Like, dude, I haven't spoken to you for five years. And suddenly you want my help. And, you know, now I need you need help for a visa, I mean, come on. So I think these sort of situations helped me helped me to identify the the friends who are weren't really adding value to my life, who were using me for their own purpose, who weren't really making me feel good, about, about myself, who were really supporting my dreams, or my ideas, who are constantly criticising me for whatever I would do, who weren't really doing what would make me happy, even though I was doing everything to make them happy. So it really, you know, it helped me take a step back and really audit my friendships, and really identify people who mattered to me who made me feel good. And, you know, start cutting people off we're minimising my interaction with people who just weren't just really weren't really up to my friendship criteria. So in the end, you know, I think these this friendship audit is critical. It is important. Don't take it lightly. Because friendships are meant to last for a lifetime. That's what they say. But I'm the idea that you great job, childhood friends. You have friends who've been there for five years. But you make friends throughout your life you can you can be 40 you can be 50 and still make and still make new best friends still make new good friends. So yeah, I think I think you should just start auditing your friendships. Start thinking about who really bothers to stop chasing, running after people unnecessarily. Stop. You know, stop being stopped befriending fake people. It's not easy. It takes time to identify them. But if your gut tells you that there's something isn't right about this person, that do We trust her gut as well. And honestly over these last couple of years I've started doing this it's really helped me so I've made some really good I've identified finally managed to identify quality friends who really care about me I become a better person to be friends with I don't really have access I've learned to have zero expectations from people so that reduces anxiety or I get hurt less in the end that means I've become more mature in friendships um and honestly I in the process I audit audited myself as a friend as well so I'm sure many of you know the saying you know treat others like you want to be treated and it works both ways. If you're expecting good quality friends they need to be good high quality friend as well so it gives you a chance to audit yourself of you noticed the stuff you might be doing obviously I've you know, I've obviously I've done the things that so my friends did which kiss me off obviously I've done that obviously I've you know, I've heard people in the process obviously I may have used some people and realised later you know, these are human tendencies are part of human nature, which everyone is everyone does. But the as I said earlier in the episode, the turning point is when you realise that when you realise that Oh shit, I've been a craft friend of a friend or oh shit that friend isn't you know isn't adding value to my life. So that's the turning point that awareness piece. So I hope you folks enjoyed this episode.
I would love to hear your views on auditing friendships if you've done that where is it landed you up? Has it helped you? What kind of strategies in addition to the ones I've already said helped you audit your friendships and if you and if you haven't audited your friendships or haven't really identified you know what kind of friendships are high my life Why is that what's stopping you and and if by any means I can be of any help, I would love to you know get in touch. So that brings us to the final section of the podcast episode where Amazon reviews and I have worked for this I chose one product which is directs and the views are legendary I have worked for this company. I do Mr. portfolio and it's a it's a great tool for you to work on. Especially the stuff you hear in on the ground about zoom insights about stuff coming out of the research is great. So anyways, first we're to the first episode The first review. The first is by you don't give it five stars out of five and the reverse seems to work no children as yet. Very straightforward. The other one is bought 60 of these to stock up three out of five spit which has resulted in an early trip to the train for our chemists for the morning optical not easy when you're abroad. I now have 35 expensive water balloons left, I would have been better wrapping up with clingfilm and keeping the 10 pounds in my pocket. Not so good news. This is pretty graphic, but here it goes. Fellas, I have to tell you, man wood needs Ronnie's and desires if you catch my drift, I love a good pounding and smacking my sweet lady every time I hit the sack. But there's been a few times jerks filled me during my voyage across the Red Sea. Needless to say, I'm a part who's not afraid to break the rocky seas and get into plenty of fights if you catch my drift clouds Be wary of the spirits like I said good thing was a Red Sea preventing my little boys are making their destination the drought instead recommended by preferred role. And the last one, which you know there's a last review which kind of highlights how some or how open some parents are to the to the children partaking in you know in the sex activity at their own homes, so nothing gives away the fact that youngest son has started having sex. Then discovering this on your purchases. I imagined by the amount of time he now spends with his girlfriend, doctors Bertram de spawn in his face and lack of a new grandchild that these are working well for him and providing hours of fun, at least is proving to be responsible. So hope you enjoyed that small section. But thank you so much for tuning in. Keep the keep this thing. Make sure you subscribe. Make sure you rate review on any platform you listen to this podcast on. I do share to family and friends. Thank you so much. Until next time, ciao