In this episode, I explore the role 'Expectations' plays in our lives. We're all humans and have expectations from family, relationships, work, education and so forth. When these expectations aren't met, we're left feeling disappointed, hurt, moody and tired of life which results in negative/toxic thinking and impacts all areas of our lives.
In this episode I talk about:
Having Low or No Expectations will undoubtedly make you happier in the long run, in control of your feelings and taking responsibility for your life. Self Improvement and Self Care is a slow and gradual process, be patient.
Reach out to me on ammarb87@gmail.com or my Instagram handle - theageingmillennial_podcast
Remember to subscribe, rate, review and share!
In this episode, I explore the role 'Expectations' plays in our lives. We're all humans and have expectations from family, relationships, work, education and so forth. When these expectations aren't met, we're left feeling disappointed, hurt, moody and tired of life which results in negative/toxic thinking and impacts all areas of our lives.
In this episode I talk about:
Having Low or No Expectations will undoubtedly make you happier in the long run, in control of your feelings and taking responsibility for your life. Self Improvement and Self Care is a slow and gradual process, be patient.
Reach out to me on ammarb87@gmail.com or my Instagram handle - theageingmillennial_podcast
Remember to subscribe, rate, review and share!
Hey, what's up the ageing millennial family I hope you guys all well, I am definitely good. I had a very good week. And I discovered a new coffee place and Islam about today by the name of golf, kaf, and definitely worth the trip. Really good coffee, and it could be my, you know, new coffee place. Anyways, so hope you guys all Well, folks are all well sorry, today's world Mental Health Day, which falls on 11th of sorry, the 10th of october of each year initiative by who we just started in 1992. Honestly, before that I wasn't a big supporter. I wouldn't say supporter, I was not aware of, you know, damage your mental health. But over the years, I've become a big supporter of you know, the world Mental Health Day. And it's not just one day, it should be a constant thing. And I think it's important to drive awareness by mouth to mental health, the impact of it, and how can you improve your mental health as well. And hence, I had this podcast, which I hope you folks are finding beneficial to developing yourselves for your personal growth for your professional growth. And, you know, if you are finding helpful do let me know, via the comments. Or you can even email me on ammarb87@gmail.com. Anyways, so today's topic is about having no or no expectations. So my whole life, and I'm sure that some of you may have heard this as well, you know, heard the word expectation. So I expected this, or, you know, it's below my expectations, be it the food, be at your work. And I still hear a lot of my family and friends talk about this word expectation, and then being disappointed, and not really thinking of how to get rid of these expectations. So I'm going to talk about, you know, what our expectations, share some definitions, that impacts expectations as well, based on my personal experiences, and then how can you lower or get completely rid of expectations as well. So let me warn you, it's not a quick fix. But hopefully, it can, you can start putting yourself in a much towards a much better place. So the official definition of expectations in the Cambridge dictionary is the feeling or belief that something will or should happen. That in other definition from college dictionary is strong hopes or beliefs, that something will happen, or you will get something you want. So I'm not going to challenge this definition. It is by you know, world renowned. I don't know how to put it, but English grammar experts, I'm sure there's a specific word for it. But I think the definition of expectations is, is multifaceted, and covers many areas. So I think the different buckets in my view, so they're explanations of people, expectations of work, or from work expectation of and from relationships. And then the other parts as well, you know, expectations and education, expectation and sports, expectations in food expectations and travel expectations. I mean, there's so many expectations. So I mean, some of the expectations you have from people and we go one by one. So let me start with people. And some of the expectations you have from people is, you know, you may want your friends to reach out to you. You might want your friends to be there when you need them. Your you expect your friends, you know, you tell them a business idea, or I'm launching a new YouTube channel or I'm opening a cafe and you expect them to support your business ideas and be like, you know, that's great. Bravo. You expect them I mean, for example, I remember that when we were launching our YouTube channel with my best friend this was a couple of years ago, we didn't get very you know, we didn't get the support that we expected from our very close friends. So you don't there was an other incident where I was moving house and expected. So my close friends would say Oh, can I help you to move but I had been offered nothing. So that expectation, you know
You know, really had a negative impact on me for that particular in that particular productive time. Sorry. So, you know, it made me think are they really my good friends we really care about being. So do you have these expectations for friends, you know, expectations from work. So for example, you expect your boss to be your mentor and stand up for you. In times when you know in times when you're being promoted or being talked about by other senior members in the workplace. You expect your company to promote you when you do good work, and you've been consistently delivering good work for the past couple of months, you expect your colleagues to respect your position and seniority. So for example, if you join your company on a senior position, you automatically expect your colleagues to respect you because you're senior to them. You expect the company to have a particular culture so for example, when I moved from a huge fmcg in the UK to a small consultancy, I expected the culture to be more efficient, to be more family like to be you know, less bureaucratic, but unfortunately I did not the company's culture was completely different. There wasn't any family like feeling there it was much more bureaucratic even though there were literally three or four people in the team, the decision making was so slow, it was killing at times. And, and you know, and you expected your boss to be I expected my boss to be great as well, but she was, was definitely not someone I would aspire to become like when I do start managing people. And the same with record, you know, I was, I was I've been told that, you know, record had an aggressive culture. And people cutthroat and I expected that but pleasantly surprised when I went there, it was a complete different culture to what I've been told. So there was an expectation, I was expecting something different. But you know, fortunately, I was pleasantly surprised. But in most situations, it doesn't work that way. They don't work you know, you you work your you work your ass off. But you always don't get recognised, but you expect to be recognised. And I think the impact of that is, I need the impact of this expectation at work because you know, if you don't get promoted, or you don't expect your boss to stand up for you, or your work doesn't get recognised, and someone else gets to credibility, sorry, as someone steals your steals your work, and it earns them you know, stars or brownie points, that hurts. You start forming negative emotions, you start forming negative associations with work, you start hating your boss, at times, you started hating your colleagues, you start creating mountains out of molehills perhaps. So then you start thinking, my good enough, you know, am I dumb, can I not do this job. So that's where the imposter syndrome kicks in. And you know, it just goes on and on. So it can become very toxic for you, the impact can be very, very toxic. And then the other bucket, you know, you it's what you expect from relationships. So I will have a separate episode and marriage and divorce because I think that's an very, very important topic in these times. But you know, sometimes you expect your partner to be a certain way, and they don't turn out to be the way you wanted them to do. So that results in fights, that results in you thinking whether this marriage is right, or whether this relationship is right, whether this person is right for me, do I want to have kids with this person, and it can just go on and on and on and end up in a really bad place. So expectations do hurt. You know, other expectations in your parents. So for example, you you expect your parents to always support you, because you you're their child, and you think they'll always be there for you. And those support every single idea of viewers. And when that doesn't happen, you feel disappointed, you feel let down. And it takes a huge toll on you. And then you start thinking do my parents really love me? My parents are dumb, they don't really know what they're talking about. And then that really impacts your relationship. And obviously you shouldn't think of your parents are dumb because they're much wiser than you. I know this has happened to me where my parents told me something, I've dismissed that and then over the next couple of months of the year I'm like, you know, actually they weren't right. So never take your price for granted. But yeah, expectations. You know, when you're when your siblings, you know, you you know, you expect perhaps
you know, one of your siblings may be sent abroad for studies whilst you have to study at a local university. And the expectation is you'd be treated equally. However, then you know, this happens and you expected that and didn't happen. You start maybe thinking, Oh, my parents probably love my sibling more, etc. So um, you know, it does, it does have a huge toll on what you tell yourself. It has a huge on how you start thinking, and so forth. Um, and then you know, another one is when you're expecting good grades, so I'll give my personal experience where I took my o levels, and I expected I will get triple A's, your three A's. However, with ABC, I did not expect those grades I that caused me to be very moody. And it caused me to start thinking of, you know, shit, what's going to happen in my life, when I get a good career when I get into a good university? I wanted to do dentistry, how can I do that? It made me think, you know, am I am I dumb? Am I not intelligent enough compared to my friends who got into Harvard who got into Oxford who got into MIT. So you know, it started that negative cycle. And then you know, you expect some other things, you'd expect a place to have good food, or expect a city or a village to be as beautiful as you saw on Instagram, but when you get there, you're extremely disappointed, and that ruins your own holiday. So, you know, I think just expecting things from people from situations does. And if it doesn't happen that way, the way you want it to be, it does really, it does really rob you of your sanity, it, it results in negative thinking it you know, starts this starts toxic thinking or toxic behaviours. It may be it may result in mood swings with you. So for example, if your friend doesn't respond to a text message, or doesn't respond to a phone call, and you expect them to do so, you know, and if they don't it, it may result in you becoming moody. So you're actually giving, you're empowering your friends, you're empowering others to have control over your mood to have control over your happiness or, or your sadness and, and feelings in general. So you know, it's giving someone else the power, giving someone giving the situation power. Rather than you having control over this situation and over your feelings. So expectations can be really bad. And honestly, over time, I have learned to get rid of my expectations. And I'm sure you're wondering how I did that. And I'll share that with you. But there are two quotes I'd like to include here. And the first one is by someone called Jodi picoult be called. And the person said, and Jodie says there are two ways to be happy, improve your reality, or lower your expectations. And then another quote by Rashid ogen, daru, live your life singer song, not full of expectations, not for the ovations but for the joy of it. And, you know, it's easier said than done. So I've had a lot of conversations where I've told people, you know, I get I've managed to get rid of expectations. And last couple of years, I don't keep expectations of anything or anyone. And then they're like, you know, Amar, you're living in an ideal world or utopia. And let's be honest, you can't get rid of expectations completely. And you know, you need to have a, and they say you need to have expectations from your close one. So especially from your family, where, you know, you depend on them, and they depend on you perhaps, and you know, they're the ones you can expect things from, but I disagree. I honestly think there are ways where you can get rid expectations from a family. And these are some of the ways or some of the things you need to start realising and accepting, which will, which will, you know, manage your expectations from others and expectations from situations. So the first thing you need to realise is that you're on your own
and you're on your own because fine, you know, your parents bought into the world, your mother gave birth to you wedding good and the end they brought you up. But in the end, when when your parents die or have died, you know you are left on your own. You know your your beat your immediate future extended family, beat your siblings. In the end, everyone has their own life. And you know you are your own. So if you start realising that volton beginning that, you know, I'm on my own, I'm responsible. And then you know, the second thing is you need to realise that you're responsible for every single thing in your life, and you're responsible for your own happiness. So if you take these two things, these two recommendations you're on your own, and you're responsible for your life and your happiness. It really puts you in a different zone. So I started doing this a couple of years ago, where I'm you know, I I felt that some of my relationships in my family and my friends were kind of getting weaker by the, you know, by with time. So once I started taking responsibility for, you know, building these relationships and not expecting the other party to, you know, fix it, it completely changed. So I was making the effort more because I knew is my responsibility to do that it didn't feel like a burden because because it was a responsibility I think once it's once you realise this responsibility, it doesn't feel like a burden, if it feels like a burden, then you just don't want to do that. And honestly, I start take responsibility for my education. So I was like, you know, fine, I got ABC but I need to do something about it, because my parents aren't going to find me a job or, you know, they won't get me into Harvard or they won't make me want to become a dentist or they they're not responsible for what I want to be in life so I need to take control of my hands. So once I started realising that this is my responsibility, it automatically put me on that path where I identified where I needed to be and started working towards that and things started falling into place. You know, I another factor is you need to start believing and accepting that no one owes you anything. So for example, if when i was i mean i given an early example in the episode but when I launched a YouTube channel with my friend or when I was moving house, I expected my friends to be there automatically without me being without me telling them but honestly once I realised that they owe me nothing, and and what I'm doing this for me and myself, that put me in a much better position so having no expectations of them didn't really resolve any hard feelings towards them, because I just didn't expect them to to owe me that to owe me by being there and helping me move or by an Obi or by owning me by promoting my YouTube channel so that expectation was complete was completely rid of another great strong powerful way to zero expectations is accepting the present moment. So I think when you ever you expect it's always obviously for the future you're expecting something to happen you're expecting some to gain something in the future. But once you start accepting the present and start being more aware of your present situation more aware of you know, if you're sitting in a cafe and you're you know you're you're not expecting something else you're just accepting the present moment how it is you're expecting you're you're accepting how the food is how the coffee is, or the tea is it leaves you in a much more happier state. Even you know, if you if you've got certain grades at university and you accept them for the way they are, you accept your present reality that this is what's happened. And now when you think of the next step, it really puts you in a much better position. If you get hung up on you know, I expected triple A's or expected me to get into this university it just leaves a sour taste in your mouth. Or for example, I expected you know my my parents to give me the love or expect it to be my sibling or to be the most favoured child in my family. But that didn't happen and you just accept reality for what it is. Honestly, it gets rid of all the negative emotions and all the neck and the possible negative thinking which may arise.
And you know, honestly the past is gone. The future is unknown. And the only thing you can influence is your present. And honestly, if I if I as I said, I accepted this, you know, I started managing expectations in my mind by getting rid of them a few years ago, but if I had started implementing this much early in my life, I've been well aware about it. I think my life would have been much different you know, I think my relationships my family and friends would have been different I would have avoided making drastic rash decisions which I regret later on. I mean yes, you learn and it's a learning process but the earlier you learned the better perhaps when I got my a level grades, I would have been a much better position to make better decisions. I perhaps I you know, I if I just accepted my reality and didn't expect anything of anyone, for example, my partner or my past relationships, I may have been in a much better place. And not to forget if I hadn't travelled or been to restaurants under counter seeing those places in India on Instagram, I bet may have been less disappointed. Instagram, people posting pictures and sharing views do have a habit of sometimes over photoshopping or over editing some pictures and making them looking glamorous. But when when you get there like shit, what is this, so perhaps, you know, that would have helped. But you know, in other I think these five factors that are mentioned on your on your own, you're responsible for your own happiness known including family owes you anything be present in the moment. And also another factor is if you're a spiritual and you believe in religion, I think a powerful way to not have any expectations is to just accept that God knows what's best for you. So for example, if you're in a certain situation, is what God wants for you. And just accepting that kind of just gets rid of all expectations, and all frustrations and all disappointments. Another way and something more mechanical, which you can probably adopt to adopt in your life is, it really helps having a list of all the things going on your mind? So So for example, if you have, you know, on Sunday, you know, I'm thinking about, should I get promoted? Or, you know, will my will I meet someone, or you know, anything that's going on your mind, it's always good time to list them out.
And then have two columns. And think about which activities or which things in your life on your mind, you can control and which things you can't control. And that really gets rid of expectations as well. So, for example, you know, can I have babies or not, you can't really control that it really depends on your health and everything else as well. So you can easily cross that out of not control, will I get a promotion, you can't really control that circumcision not control category, just you just strike that out. The same with, you know, I've lost a new YouTube channel, I want 1000 subscribers within a month, you can't really control that unless you buy subscribers. But that's not the best or most organic thing to do. So you can just kind of strike that out and put in the non control box. And there's so many other things, you know, so for example, so I think this really sets the tone perfectly of, you know, what things you can control, and it sets expectations, realistically realistic expectations, or no expectations. And when you start striking things you can't control I think, subconsciously in your mind, it kind of reads any expectations from that anyways, if I can't get a promotion, I can't control that I have no expectations from from that. So hope you you folks see how that kind of works. And it doesn't mean that stuff you can't control you should strive for it. Yes, you can strive for it, but having no expectations, or not feeling entitled to that or not feeling that you're being owed, that kind of hurts, and kind of avoids being hurt avoids, avoids any feelings of resentment or disappointment. And it just helps you mentally honestly. So you know, this is all part of your self development and self love journey. self love journey is world Mental Health Day. Or it was depending on when you're listening to this episode. But you know, it's it's all part of the process. And don't force yourself. Getting rid of expectations or getting rid of something which hasn't been in tuned, in your mind the last year a couple of years, is hard. It's hard to change that mindset. But it is possible. And I'm a living example of how it's possible. I've come across it and now my expectations, zero from everything, very minimal. And honestly, I feel much happier, much freer from people from situations and honestly I'm living. I'm living my life the way I want it. And I'm much much, much much happier. So if I can do it, you folks can definitely definitely do it. And honestly, if you want any device, or any help, feel free to contact me via Instagram or do drop me an email I'm happy to, you know, I'm happy to help you give you advice. And also if, if you have a question which can benefit others, which my other people be thinking I'm happy to answer that in my podcast as well. So that brings me end to the expectations part episode. And I just thought that I'll end this episode on some fun facts, which you folks may enjoy. Like I definitely did. So. Did you ever know and if you've eaten Froot Loops, cereal, I definitely had it part of my childhood. I always thought that each Loop had a different flavour but apparently that's not the case. So all the loops all the current loops have the same flavour I'm not sure what flavour it is, but it's the same so I had the expectation of them being different flavours and now I found that they don't I'm kind of disappointed that I spent all my time doing that and if I knew early in the process you know it may have i don't know i i'm not really distorted I'm already distraught about it, but I just didn't know that don't have the same flavour I never knew the lobsters taste with their feet. Never knew that and their teeth is in one of their three stomachs. So I never knew but last year has been so dynamic and having different body parts. It's such I mean, I know that body parts but not three stomachs. So it's interesting for me that the taste with their feet. And before toilet toilet paper Americans used to use corncobs
I did read this. I'm not sure how believable it is because if you use toilet paper if use current called instead of a toilet paper, I just don't know how cases are going to get disgusting down a different route. But just think about instead of using toilet paper using the corn corn called finally you can hum whilst holding your nose. So I did try this I'm gonna try it now. You can't home you cannot hum whilst holding your nose. So do try them and let me know if you can. So anyways, thanks for listening in folks. Hope you enjoyed the episode. Do let me know your feedback, do subscribe, do rate and review. And honestly thank you so much for the views that have come in. They're very encouraging. And I'm really happy that you're finding my episodes useful for your self development journey for your personal development journey. And I you know, I really hope I have helped you and can help you in the future as well. So thank you very much, have a good week. Much love and stay safe and stay happy. Thank you very much. Ciao.