Hey everyone. What's up? How's everyone doing in welcome to The Aging Ageing Millennial Podcast? I hope you enjoyed the last episode and I hope you subscribed. Have you subscribed to my podcast? You've rated, reviewed and continuing to share with your family and friends. And thank you so much for the feedback, so far has been overwhelming. I'm loving it. And that's why the reasons I am keeping. I'm continued to doing these said, my English has gone all haywire. It’s one of the reasons I continue to do this podcast.
Winter makes me lazy. I'm becoming sleepier. And for example, I slept for nine hours today. I woke up around ten and then took a two hour nap at two pm. Very unlike me. But maybe it's a winter thing. And then I read somewhere that in Hong Kong, Dave started a bus tour where you can sleep. So it was started by a company called Ulu travel. And it's the sleeping bus tour. Tickets are between thirteen dollars to fifty one dollars per person. So the owner of Ulu travel said “when we were brainstorming new tours, I saw a social media post my friend saying that he was stressed and couldn't sleep at night. But when he was travelling on the bus, he was able to steep well. His post inspired us to create this tour that lets passengers just sleep on the bus” so pretty much you can say it's a thirty six kilometer, five hour ride on a double Decker bus. And it's aimed at people who are kind of lulled to sleep by long rides, definitely not for me. Apparently the first sleeping Bus tour sold out. People came with their own blankets, they changed from to shoes into slippers, others got travel pillows. But in the in the ticket there's a goody bag which includes an eye mask and earplugs to help sleep well. Personally I find it very difficult to sleep on buses, cars, planes.
But anyways, I'm getting straight into the topic of this episode. So I have been listening to The mindset mentor (rob dial) and reading books by Louise hay, who is a psychologist, but unfortunately, died a couple of years ago. I came across a really interesting topic or advice, which is using three words for improving & transforming life.
I first wasn't aware of how I was using those. But then, secondly, when I started thinking about these words and the impact they have on my communication, on my mood, on my feelings, it was exceptional. And I'd want to share these three words with you, folks. Maybe you are aware of them. Maybe you aren't aware of them, but you know It could change your life. It could change the way you communicate with people it could you know start bringing some positivity into your life. And you know that sky is the limit. I'm going to first focus on the first two words.
Because I think they're somewhat similar. Then for the third word. And in between that, I'm going to share some examples of replacing your sentences with these new words and how it feels. I then perhaps use my personal experiences well. I'm hoping you gain something out of this at the end of this episode. So the two words are: have to and should.
Let me give an example. So you should lose weight. You have to get a new car. You should get married and have kids. You have to go to the gym. You have to do these slides. You should get a new house. You should go for a hike because the weather is nice. And I'm not sure what you guys are feeling or when you heard these sentences and repeated them back to yourself. Perhaps do that.
But it just feels like a responsibility. It feels like pressure. Ah. Well. Sorry. Indirect pressure of some sort. A kind of constraint/restraint you have no choice. So for example, you have to get a new car in this have to thing is, you know, It's a must you need to. You have no choice. You’re under pressure. You should lose Weight and the should kind of indicates that there's something wrong already. Ah yeah. Perhaps there isn't. And you're happy with the way you are the state you're in. So there's nothing wrong with it. What would you say yourself? You should lose weight which portrays something wrong, you know, reinforces existing behavior into a negative one. You're kind of you're the you become a prisoner of your thoughts. I think. And then in the end, you could get frustrated. You'll have no choice. I'm a prisoner of this have to and should at this kind of gives you an uncomfortable feeling. At least it does to me.
And isn't a nice feeling. And honestly, you can only notice this feeling and the impact of these words once you become aware of when you use them, how you use these words and how this sound in your sentences. So as I said, if you can, repeat to yourself. You know, you should lose weight. You should get married. You have to have kids. Just repeat the sentences back to yourself and see how you feel about them now. And that it is quote from Louise, hay, who says that should is a word that makes a prisoner of me every time I say, should I making myself wrong or I'm making my or making someone else wrong.
And that's great, you know. So for example, if you say this some stuff, if you say these words to someone else, you know, you have to do these slides, you should be promoted by now versus others in the company. You have to bring this sandwich for me. You should not be nervous and shaking with speaking public. You should not be anxious 24/7. You have to get better for yourself or us. think of the impact on the other person, you know, they probably that the fact that if you tell yourself, you should be doing something, but you flip it over and you tell someone else, they are feeling negative. The sudden negativity might result even when/if you don't mean it. Are you know in behavior that is out of choice, but only which is out of pressure or forced, even if you have not meant it. So I think these words have been ingrained in us so much by our school by our family by our friends by media that we just don't think the impact of these words. I'm not saying using these words makes you a bad person or there’s something wrong with you. I've been using them since I was a child. I heard them around me. But the point is that now you're aware of it. Perhaps think about the impact of these words and see whether you know you could start using something differently. Which I will come on to right after sharing the third bad word with you.
So another word is. But BUT. So I'll give you an example. I'm happy in my job, but I don't like the people. My parents love me, but they don't do this for me. I started this project on time, but the finance team didn't provide The inputs on time. I would travel alone, but I don't have the time or finances. Currently I would study law, but my parents want me to do something else. So at least for me, It doesn't promote positive thinking. There's always an excuse. There's always a relinquish of a control or responsibility in your life. You're always looking for a reason to blame others.
So I don't like the word. But as well I have made an attempt to use less and less of this but, should and have to. For example in My emails I replaced, but with some other words and it does really make a difference. It does. I think it makes a difference to when I read the email back to myself, it makes a difference in terms of my communication, makes a difference in to my tone. So really does help. Now now for the magic three words. Actually this has worked for me to. I've tried it.
You could replace have to and should with two words. And but. I would convert have to to get to, I would convert should to could. And I would convert but in to though however with, but there are many other words, replaceable words you can use, and that list of words will be in the episode description. Let's replace the sentences with these words.
I get to go to the gym. I could get married and have kids or you tell your colleagues you get to do these slides. I get to buy a new house. I could travel when I have my finances are in order. And I think this, you know, kind of changes the perspective and feelings completely. You know, I kind of feel liberated in the softest sense.
So what I say, I get to go to the gym - It gives me a feeling of gratitude. I have the opportunity to go to the gym. I am healthy. There are many people in this world who may not be able to go to the gym if they want to. Since doesn't feel like a responsibility. It doesn't feel like I'm forcing myself. It doesn't feel like I'm unhappy doing it. But I still need to do it. Presents itself as an opportunity rather than responsibility. And I think that's great. Gives me a sense of control. So no, for example, I get to do this job either if you hated. So it makes you feel a bit better that you are thankful that you know I get to do this job. I had the opportunity do this job. I'm lucky maybe versus other people and comparison isn't good, but gratitude is.
You don't want to get married? I could get married so it doesn't feel like you notice the society's pressure I have. I am putting pressure on myself. It means that there's a possibility. So I don't explore it. And it makes me feel better about it. And I think when you have these positive feelings going around and when there's a no force and no pressure, you tend to do better, you tend to actually do it with more happiness with motivation. And you, I think would put in more effort, perhaps, you know, and like when I was moved back to Pakistan or before I did not the last couple of years I was like, I should move back. I should move back. I should move back and I always kept delaying delaying it because it was I can force myself to move back. You know, I wasn’t told to come back. Then I changed should to could so I could move back to Pakistan to be closer to family. And that automatically gave me a choice. You know, it's my choice. And it could be either a yes or no. But automatically there's a positivity around that activity. There's more positivity around that thought. And it doesn't. And it doesn't give me that says that I'm wrong right now, but not being in Pakistan or not being right should be. I know it's great. You know these Three words have made a big difference. And now, if you focus on, you know a though so replacing, but with though, so, you know, you could say, I would travel, however, I don't have the time and money at the moment. He knows there's a possibility that there might be time, Money in The future, and is not very closed off. But when you say, I would travel, but I don't have a time money. That means that they might not be any possibility and the doors are closed.
Been out there that there isn't anything I could do or I would study law. But my parents want me to do this something else or you could say I will stay long, though. My parents want me to do something else. It kind of opens up possibility of discussion possibility of studying something else. You know my parents aren't bad. My parents are forcing me. So this completely changes the narratives. I know we’re humans at the end of the day, our language or vocabulary grammar doesn't change overnight. It takes conscious effort to do that, and I'm not saying, get rid of these words completely, but start by reducing the usage of these terms. So you could start by being more conscious when you're writing emails.
Be more conscious of what you tell yourself in your thoughts, so small steps, like going to the gym, or you know of wanting to have a healthy meal. So instead of saying, I should have healthy meals that I could have a healthy meal. Sometimes healthy meals Aren't that great But that you mean using that word could could change that narrative in your mind. it's a long and gradual and slow process. But I really do hope that you see where I'm coming from, and why. Using three words differently can start transforming your life.
As I said, it makes impact on the way you communicate. It makes impact on your thoughts. It has an impact on your mood. And I'm sure you know that it makes an impact in overall wellbeing as well. And if there are more words that you know could bring positivity than feel free to share them. Feel free to let me know. And I will definitely mention them in the subsequent episodes.
So the next episode after this will be my last one for the season, yea, I'm going off to Uzbekistan for a week and I cannot wait. It's a mini holiday. I was gonna go with a friend, but it's now it's turned into a solo travel holiday. Which I'm very, very excited about. The temperatures will be moderate. So I think daytime will be around fourteen. Fifteen night time will be around one or two degrees. So cold at night. Nice-ish in the daytime. Very much looking forward to it. If any of you have traveled there do let me know. Give me some recommendations. I'm trying to go to Khiva, Samarkand and Bukhara and Tashkent. So that should be good. So that will be by last episode after this one. And I'll be back after a couple of weeks and just to end the episode on this - singer who was part the boy band - one direction. Zayn Malik. Should I just read somewhere that he lashed out on his partner's mother? Ah. You just don't do that to others. I mean, you just don't do that. It's it's wrong. Whatever may happen. You just don't lash out at your elders. Unless you know there's a case of abuse or or murder. So so pretty sad times. But anyways, I hope you enjoy this episode to give me feedback on what to think of these three Transformational words. I'd love to hear your views as always have a good week. Stay safe. Stay happy and I will speak to next week, ciao.